Awakening

[Liz Rose Ouedraogo]

For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you. Isaiah 41:13


Awakening

I had this on my heart and mind a few days ago and I pray that because of delayed writing I don’t lose the essence of what is in me. First of all let me say that my writing have been few and far between because of my back pain, back surgery and mega doses of pain pills for the last four or five months. Even when I was in less pain or not in pain I had a huge brain fog because of medicines and because I was just plain ole’ worn out.

Let me also say that when my husband and I married four months ago, it was just the starting to have the back problem and the problem had not really been identified at that time.

Let me also say that I have been divorced and more than once. Each time the relationship was lacking in small and in big ways and over time it was clear that the marriage was wrong.

Let me also say that it is domestic violence awareness month and each time that I share publically any part of my story it stings. It stings because I can still feel the pain and I don’t know if it will ever stop stinging. Let me also tell you that each time I share I grow and I blossom more. I shared my poem about a week ago and it was hard. It was hard because in a poem I described what I felt while being raped and what I felt when God was washing me clean from the violations I felt.

God is good, always. At times I truly feel like my middle name, I feel like a rose. My father is my gardener and he prunes me, feeds me and waters me. If anyone has ‘tended to’ roses you know that as strong as they are, they are still delicate and to grow a beautiful rose it requires work and care and it requires balance.

Allowing me to share my poem with others is a pruning of this rose. It allows me more freedom and it allows me more focus on what is flourishing.

I asked God years ago for a husband that was loving and kind…just as the Bible describes. Between then and now there have been many relationships that fizzled out because of the “lacking” in the relationship. Most of all the “lacking” was not something I could name but more of a feeling of inadequateness.

My awakening came a few days ago when I realized not only has my husband loved my through it all, and I do mean THROUGH it all…but he treated me with kindness and lifted me up at my darkest time. He told me it will be OK when I fell apart, a few times over. Now mind you I did not appreciate it at the time because I was in the kind pain that I have never experienced before. I was mean at times, I was distant at times and at times I would cry with all my heart and soul…the deepest and loudest cry ever and he loved me THROUGH it all. He did not get mad at me, he did not hurt me, he did not leave me, he did not break down in front of me and I know he must have been scared at times and hurting too.

My awakening came when my mind is clear, my body is not in pain and I am loved. I am loved. I am loved by a man that does not hurt me. I am loved by a man that knows HOW to love…I mean how to love ME. My awakening came when I know that I can fully trust him with me…with this Rose, with this heart, with this body, with this soul. My awakening came when he told me afterwards that his family, half a world away, were lifting me up in their churches and in their homes. My awakening came when I realized my heart was no longer breaking but was healing. My spirit is flourishing, my light is shining brighter…I actually glow. God has brought me the man of my prayers and the one that would allow my heart to heal. My awakening is also knowing that God did not forget me or forsake me…ever.



According to Psalm 34:17-19 “The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from ALL their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in sprit. A righteous man may have many troubles but the Lord delivers him from them all.”